quelquefois

Sometimes I see a fellow pedestrian open a door that’s marked in bright red and white lettering, “EMERGENCY EXIT.” But nothing goes off.

If it’s okay to open emergency exits, then why is it even labeled an emergency exit?! It sets a horrible precedent because then I end up opening emergency exits without second thought. Or how about this, sometimes there are two sets of emergency exit doors, and the only the first set is unarmed. This then leads me to believe that the second set of doors is also okay to open. Then, I find myself setting off alarms at heavily guarded naval academies, blushing with embarrassment, and hiding in a corner.

Yesterday, I saw airport workers casually trot in and out of a door marked in 12-inch letters, “EMERGENCY EXIT.” Today I was at Brown Health Services, and I had to go to their pharmacy upstairs. There are two different doors leading to the stairwell upstairs, both of which are clearly marked, “EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY.” From experience, I know that one door is definitely unarmed. The other one, however, has this huge red box with a lever protruding from it…this is also known by me as the “Don’t Fucking Touch Me or I’ll Make You Regret It” door. I’ve always been tempted to open the door, or camp out until someone else opens it.

I will probably never know what alarm system lies (or does not lie) within the “Don’t Fucking Touch Me” box on the door. But seriously, this isn’t Russian Roulette with building security or fire department. Why can’t emergency exits always be emergency exits?