Dear Pollen,
Please die and find some other means to procreate. I don’t even care if I never get to taste honey again. My nasal passages have swollen shut because CVS’s generic brand of Zyrtec-D is an epic failure in combating hay fever. Why should I have to pay $30 for 10 days worth of allergy medication? That’s right, look what you’ve got me doing. I am miserable, tired, and have to finish the last paper of my undergraduate career.
Oh, and tell your friends the dust mites to bite me, but not literally. Or at least tell them to stop defecating on my pillow (see, Wikipedia, “Asthma,” where it says that “the microscopic house dust mite feces that surround a pillow when your head hits it or you turn over in bed” cause allergies and asthma).
Sincerely,
A suffering victim