While many societies promote equal political and social rights for women (China being one of them), it’s rare to see it fully implemented in practice. This entry is about when I’ve received some sort of discrimination based on my gender at the pool. I don’t have any specific conclusions or policy recommendations; this is just a story of my life in China.

When I was studying in Harbin last year, I often went to Heilongjiang University’s pool. Every time I went, I stuck out as one of the fastest swimmers in the pool. I befriended the lifeguards there, who welcomed my presence every time with a smile and a wave. One lifeguard, ? (Li), in his late 40s, single, would often swim with me and race me. He always tried to invite me out to another pool he worked at during his off days from Heilongjiang University, though due to the distance and time constraints, I never made it out.

In order to let him know when I’d be heading to the pool (we became swimming partners), he took my mobile number. Sometimes I received texts that were written to be mass forwarded to friends–ones that wished health and happiness, success in life, and happy holidays. Eventually, he asked me to have a meal with him. I agreed, seeing no problem–friends have meals together, too. We dined, and afterward he insisted he show me his shabby apartment, adorned with tacky posters and trinkets collected from his many years in Harbin. He had a medal and trophy case, for the many times he’s won swim races. We took a photo together and I left. Simple as that.

At one point, he started telling me he loved me, that he wish he could be with me, lamenting the age difference being the only barrier to our being together. I cut off communications then. And then that’s when he would call and text nonstop. I felt sorry for ??, but never responded. How did the concept of friendship become “love” so fast?

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Once I moved to Beijing, I got a gym membership and spent most of my gym time in the pool. Again, the lifeguards immediately noticed me, smiled whenever I came, asked me how I was, and suggested workouts for me. Then, over time, one lifeguard, ?? (Laotian), would introduce me to other swimmers.

One time, a swimmer, ? (Wang), and I had a conversation:

Him: ?????????????????I am scared of immigrating to the U.S., because I am scared of discrimination against me because I am Chinese.
Me: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????But this is unavoidable. Regardless of what country you live in, society is not completely equal, you will face discrimination in some respect (be it social status, your profession, your gender, etc).
Him: ??????????????????????????????????I am happy to live in China because I am not discriminated against. You shouldn’t have any problem here either, right?

I went on to tell him that, in fact, China is a very discriminating place. He did not believe me, so I started giving examples. First, I told him that if I don’t speak Chinese absolutely fluently, I can be marked as an outsider, a non-Chinese. Secondly, I told him that if I were not a woman, but a man, that swam like I did in the pool, he would not have even noticed me. And that’s not even touching on the many other ways women and foreigners are discriminated against in China. His eyes showed a glimpse of understanding, though he never conceded to my argument.

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While the topic of “discrimination” is worthy of many posts and debates, how it has affected me personally led me to wonder whether I would have gone without this sort of attention if I were male. I wouldn’t be watched and pointed out to every time I swam when the lifeguard(s) I knew were on duty. I wouldn’t have to defend my right to ride a red and black road bike as opposed to the low bar, pastel-colored, single-gear bikes. Any male friend who swam well has never gotten the kind of attention I have, but is that a result of Chinese females being less forward and confrontational? Are men better swimmers than most women?

Is the attention negative? Never. These men have all been incredibly nice and well-meaning. However, their professions of love, the fact that I cannot swim in peace, and the need to worry about how to turn someone that I might have to see every day down is more than I bargained for when I signed up for the gym.

Cabbie: How old are you?
Me: 23.
Cabbie: And you’re not married yet?
Me: I don’t even have a boyfriend.
Cabbie: You don’t even have a boyfriend?!? I think it’s time you put less focus on your work life and focus on finding a husband and settling down. You should let the man take care of everything, then you can stay home and relax. How great would that be?
Me: Actually….
Cabbie: [continues to ramble on about men being breadwinners, women being homemakers]

Cabbie: You know why women would be bad doctors? Because they’re too emotional. Let me give you an example. A woman has breast cancer, goes into a woman doctor. This woman doctor may think to herself, “I want to let this woman keep as much of her womanly features as she can, because I know it is important to her identity as a woman. Thus, I’ll try to remove as little breast tissue as I can.” Men? They’re pragmatic. They think, “Cancer is bad, I will remove any remnant of cancer, regardless of what it takes.” Then just slice off everything. See? Then you never know, cancer may just come right back if a women operated.

Actually, I should have titled it “Being Lectured by a Misogynist Nanjing Cabbie,” because I didn’t really converse with him. It was more him talking at me than with me.

Another woman was waiting to grab some toilet paper. She looked at me with astonishment and said, “What is she doing with all that toilet paper? Is she going to eat it?”

Well, it was funny to me at the time…

I don’t know what goes on in Chinese people’s minds when they get all wound up in determining someone’s ethnic background.  

Me: Do you sell your meat separately?
Supermarket woman: This meat is expensive and hard to cook.
Me: Okay, can I buy some? How much would 10RMB buy?
SW: 3 pieces
Me: 3 pieces? You put more than that in one 肉夹馍, and those only cost 3 RMB.
SW: This meat is tasty! It is hard to cook! I spent a lot of time making it!
Me: Fuck you. (walks away)

I try another place that sells the meat outside the supermarket.

Me: Do you sell your meat separately?
Meat man: No, this meat is expensive.
Me: Why can’t you just cut some off like you were making a 肉夹馍 and just give me the meat equivalent and I will pay for it like it was a regular 肉夹馍?
MM: Why do you just want the meat?
Me: I want to make a sandwich:
MM: Then you can bring your bread slices here and I will cut the meat for you.
Me: Why can’t you just give me the meat?
MM: I just can’t do that.
Meat Man’s Friend: Are you Korean?
Me: No, I’m not fucking Korean! (walks away) Fuck you!

If anything, wouldn’t benefit more financially by just selling some of your meat and keeping all the extras that come with it? Also, I approached them towards the end of the day–are you going to keep the meat and use it tomorrow (knowing China, though, probably)? I don’t understand the lack of entrepreneurial spirit and inability to think outside the box. Chinese people have so many of these rigid rules and criteria that often make no sense or contradict each other. For example, I cannot bring a backpack into the supermarket, but I can bring a huge tote bag. Are these rules made up because there are too many Chinese people, and thus, too much hassle, to make exceptions?

I just wanted some meat for my sandwich…