quelquefois

I get a phone call from an unknown number. I answer, “Hello?” And it’s a person I met a few weeks ago. I had stopped picking up his phone calls because he called me too often to talk about inane things. This time, he was using his friend’s phone because he is “too lazy to add more money to his phone.” Right.

Him: 你的美国朋友还在外地吗？你的同屋. Is your American friend still out of town? Your roommate.
Me: 嗯。Yes.
Him: 我这边有朋友来看我，有点挤，能不能在你那住个晚上？方便吗？I have friends visiting and staying with me, so it’s a little cramped for space, can I stay at your place tonight? Is that convenient for you?
Me: 什么？？What??
Him: 方便在你那过个晚上？Is it convenient to spend the night at your place?
Me: 不方便。No, it’s not convenient.

Why do you [Chinese] men think that’s okay? Why do you have to use sneaky tactics like calling me from another phone number? Isn’t it clear that when I don’t pick up your calls, I don’t want to speak to you? Why do you have to be a creeper and ask me if my roommate is home? If your friends are there to see you, why don’t you spend time with them instead of trying to spend the night elsewhere? You brought it onto yourself inviting more friends than your apartment can handle. Deal with it.

Today, my roommate Jules and I were biking to the train station, and at a stoplight we ran into an American who was out on a run. Jules and I were speaking English about alternate routes to the train station.

Man: Wow, people who speak English! (then he looks at me) Both of you!
Jules: Yeah, where are you from?
Man: I’m from New York. (directed at Jules) China is great, isn’t it?

Then he proceeds to look at me as if he was saying, “Your country is great!”

I hate that all white people in China think you can’t speak English. And if that isn’t enough, Chinese people don’t believe I speak English well (nor do they think I speak Chinese well enough, either).

Where do I belong in China? Where do I belong in the world?

From a NYTimes article titled China’s Financial Industry Recruits Abroad:

Despite the swelling number of unemployed financial service employees, those qualified to work for Chinese firms is extremely small. Mr. Leggett’s background in Chinese — he studied Mandarin for four years as an undergraduate student at Columbia — made his move feasible. He has shocked many recruiters with his Chinese ability: “They see a tall, white guy and they’ve got low expectations. When they find out I can say a lot more than ‘hello,’ in Chinese, they begin to take me seriously.”

Oh that’s great. But when they see an average-height Asian girl they have different expectations. Every time I speak to a Chinese person, they expect me to be completely fluent.  Here are five different circumstances I find myself in:

1. I tell them I am Chinese (or Chinese-American). Laughter. Okay, seriously, what am I? Proceed to point out certain superficial features that lend then to believe that I am of a different race.
Conclusion:  I speak Chinese, but I look Korean or Japanese. Therefore, I am Korean or Japanese.

2. I tell them I am Chinese-American. Disappointment. Believe that as a descendent of Chinese people, my Chinese should be fluent.
Conclusion: My Chinese is awful. I should be ashamed.  

3. I tell them I am an American. Disbelief. Succumb to the fact that I am American, but think I’m probably lying.
Conclusion: My Chinese is stellar (opinion may change upon finding out I am Chinese-American)

4. I do not tell them what I am, where I’m from. I speak Chinese. They ask what I am, where I’m from. They notice I’m not fluent, but still Asian. Korean? No. Japanese? No. Confusion. 
Conclusion: My Chinese is good…for a Korean.

5. I am completely ignored because I am standing with a non-Asian person. All interest and attention is paid to the amazing white man who speaks impeccable Chinese.

Sometimes I want to study harder and harder and become fluent, so that I can show them I  can be taken seriously. But at the same time I want to be happy with my own fluency, because in reality, my Chinese is much better than many Chinese-as-a-second-language learners. Sometimes their accusations are so piercing and offensive that I begin to question my own identity. I have neither found a way to cope with it, nor have I found the best way to avoid such questions/accusations.

Then, the same NYT article points out bilingual Chinese people who transition more easily into a Chinese lifestyle:

The transition is easier for bilingual overseas Chinese like Kenneth Chen, 29, who is studying for his M.B.A. at the New York University Stern School of Business. Mr. Chen said that if he was offered a job, the decision to move to China would be a no-brainer: “In this environment, I don’t need anyone to persuade me to go to Shanghai. I want to go.”

But I have a strong belief that that notion only applies to men. Women in Chinese society, especially in the business world, have a very low glass ceiling, despite the supposed 男女平等 (equality between the sexes). There are many, many unachievable standards and prejudices that keep women down, I guess you can call it a fusion of vestiges of Confucian society and Western misogyny. 

And that’s why it sucks to be a Chinese-American [woman] in China.

Today I wanted to make sandwiches for dinner, and since it’s not convenient to purchased sliced meat nearby, I went to a few places that sell 肉夹馍 (rou jia mo, meat sandwiched between steamed bread) to buy some meat. I asked them if they sold their meat separately.

Me: Do you sell your meat separately?
Supermarket woman: This meat is expensive and hard to cook.
Me: Okay, can I buy some? How much would 10RMB buy?
SW: 3 pieces
Me: 3 pieces? You put more than that in one 肉夹馍, and those only cost 3 RMB.
SW: This meat is tasty! It is hard to cook! I spent a lot of time making it!
Me: Fuck you. (walks away)

I try another place that sells the meat outside the supermarket.

Me: Do you sell your meat separately?
Meat man: No, this meat is expensive.
Me: Why can’t you just cut some off like you were making a 肉夹馍 and just give me the meat equivalent and I will pay for it like it was a regular 肉夹馍?
MM: Why do you just want the meat?
Me: I want to make a sandwich:
MM: Then you can bring your bread slices here and I will cut the meat for you.
Me: Why can’t you just give me the meat?
MM: I just can’t do that.
Meat Man’s Friend: Are you Korean?
Me: No, I’m not fucking Korean! (walks away) Fuck you!

If anything, wouldn’t benefit more financially by just selling some of your meat and keeping all the extras that come with it? Also, I approached them towards the end of the day–are you going to keep the meat and use it tomorrow (knowing China, though, probably)? I don’t understand the lack of entrepreneurial spirit and inability to think outside the box. Chinese people have so many of these rigid rules and criteria that often make no sense or contradict each other. For example, I cannot bring a backpack into the supermarket, but I can bring a huge tote bag. Are these rules made up because there are too many Chinese people, and thus, too much hassle, to make exceptions?

I just wanted some meat for my sandwich…

10. Flaking out, standing someone up, not keeping your word, et cetera.

If you don’t have a good excuse, then don’t commit in the first place.

9. A mutual friend says, “Have you two met?”
Amy: Y–…
XXXX: No! Hi, I’m XXXX, it’s nice to meet you!

When you’re introduced to someone for the fiftieth fucking time and they still say, “Nice to meet you.” You’re at BROWN for Christ’s sake, and you can’t even remember a damn face? One day, when I’m your boss and you come in to see me and say, “Nice to meet you,” I will reply, “You’re fired.”

Continued from this.

7. Using a shit ton (pun not intended) of toilet paper. I can understand when it’s as thin as rice paper, but when you buy the soft, two-ply, quilted (not to mention, expensive) kind, there’s no need to pad your ass with toilet paper when you wipe. One roll every two days is ridiculous.
8. Dovetailling a bit with #6, I hate when people leave the dishes out for days without washing. See Exhibit A, where the dishes have seemed to fill up the entire sink and exploded across the kitchen counter and stove:

Exhibit A. After returning from a weekend in Pennsylvania

The door in the athletic center that leads to the entrance of the newly constructed (and temporary) swim center at Brown is marked, “EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY.”

What’s going on?

1. Idle engines. If you’re going to sit in your car for a really long time, please turn your engine off. This also leads me to subpoint a) Hummers (in non-wilderness settings). Please. Need I say more?
2. Answering phones/texting in restaurants.
3. Confusion of your and you’re.
4. When others are loud in designated quiet areas.
5. Texting en masse.
6. When people don’t clean up after themselves.