I recently stumbled upon this video of my grandparents’ 80th birthday celebration from May 2009. At the time, I was based in Beijing on my Fulbright, and my parents were visiting China from the U.S. to visit my mother’s side of the family in Nanjing. We had an elaborate dinner at a nice hotel by 玄武湖，Xuanwu Lake, several blocks from my grandparent’s home on 中央路, Zhongyang Lu, one of the main thoroughfares of the (now rapidly expanding and increasingly unfamiliar) city. It was the second time in my lifetime my entire mom’s side of the family had congregated under one roof. The atmosphere was festive: it was loud; there was storytelling and laughter; there was an overabundance of food, drink, and cake (most of which had to be taken home, as pictured below). The dinner also featured the typical birthday customs for celebrating longevity and honoring elders: long life noodles, peaches, and a gold thread hand-embroidered character for “longevity,” 寿 (shòu). It was the classic Chinese dinner party. While the birthday celebration brought everyone physically together, and despite having visited Nanjing numerous times over the years, I had never felt close to my China-based family. Tried as I might, I
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Yes, that’s right, after saying so time and time again, I have finally left Beijing. My last day in China, Saturday, September 4, was fraught with goodbyes-that-aren’t-really-goodbyes (we all hate finality), frustrations and sadness. In the morning, my friends came over and cleared out my electronics, blankets, sheets, cookware, silverware, dishes, spices, bicycles—anything that wasn’t going in my suitcase. In the afternoon, I cleaned out my Chinese bank account, exchanged everything to USD, and closed the account. Then came the challenges. Challenge #1: Getting my rent deposit back from the landlady Ah, the landlady, someone who is defined by her difficulty to understand and communicate with her tenants. Originally I was going to get my deposit back on Friday, but then she took it back. “What if I give you the money back, and by the time you leave Sunday, the apartment will be broken in half?” I reassured her that if I had lived in the apartment for 9 months without burning the place down, she could trust that I wouldn’t do it in the next 48 hours. Despite my efforts, she refused, citing that upon returning the deposit, I must return the keys and find somewhere else to
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I recently read this article in the NYT on the popularity and exclusivity of a Teach for America teaching position. I’m still adamantly opposed to TFA. So some overachieving kid with big dreams of world change gets thrown into an inhospitable atmosphere and tries to make good of all that’s bad. With little training, he tries to create a positive impact, but before he can achieve that, his stint is over and he leaves after two years with a sense of moral righteousness. Kid, now with a “prestigious” bullet point on the resume, continues to build his future career, likely unrelated to TFA, make big money, leaving underperforming students feeling abandoned yet again by the system. A simple Google Scholar search shows more results that undermine the notion that TFA brings “positive” change to underperforming schools across the country than supporting it. One study says: Findings for 5 school districts, roughly 300 new teachers, show that students of under-certified teachers (including teachers from the “Teach for America” program) make about 20% less academic growth than do students of regularly certified teachers. While I believe the underlying philosophy of TFA is still honorable, the pageantry and self-righteousness involved on the applicant
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In thirty-three days, I will be boarding a flight back to California, and I don’t know when I will be back. Though I have endless memories, both happy and sad, I still feel as if I hadn’t written down as much as I’ve wanted, I hadn’t taken enough photographs, I hadn’t seen enough things, made enough friends. Between finishing up my Fulbright grant, studying for the GRE, applying for graduate school, and starting full-time work, the past few months have melted away without a chance for reflection or relaxation. While I am ready and excited to start the next chapter of my life, a part of me is sad to leave China. Luckily, once I get home I’ll have more time for myself (and graduate school applications!!), for photography, for fast and uncensored internet, for all the other things I enjoy in life. One thing I’ll miss about China: women in pajamas and hair curlers on a public street playing with dogs (and naturally with 10+ people crowded around taking pictures and gossiping)
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