quelquefois

    Sitting in cafes really makes me abroad-sick for China. They were so accessible in China, and the only downside was smoking. Actually, that’s a pretty big downside. And speaking of which, I think my excess inhalation of pollutants, chemicals, and cigarette smoke abroad has given me some sort of chronic cough. Please go away.

So begins the search for a cafe with good ambiance, to-die-for food, and incredible couches. I hope I’m not gravely disappointed.

I had a dream last night that featured some Stephen Colbert-mystery man hybrid. There were dance performances, cocktails, and carnivals. If I remember it correctly, it was fun. But I’ve been dreaming too much; I need to stop sleeping so late at night and waking up so late in the morn–afternoon.

I always get caught up in things (situations, circumstances, relationships–call it what you want) that do not work out. And in order to figure out a solution, I start to think. Then I start to ask myself questions. Simply put, I end up wasting a lot of time. 我承认, 在我和别的男人的关系之间，大都同时有女友。 Is it more fun that way? Or is it just the way it worked out?

 After my semester at ACC, I deeply question (doubt?) the concept of fidelity, faithfulness, monogamy. You recall, I wondered why everyone had a significant other. But now, I wonder why 99% of them cheated on their significant others during their time abroad. Cheating was a recurring topic of conversation in two-on-one and one-on-one classes; we even wrote essays on it. Should we really hold monogamy in such high regard? What’s keeping us this way? I honestly do not think that societal stability is a reason. I don’t believe that any person can ever just love one person (in one lifetime, and even in one relationship). How to resolve this issue? I haven’t a clue.

My view on relationships might all change if one day I find myself in a relationship again. (ha.)

Summer 2006: No Regrets. I loved every moment.

I spent the majority of my summer in Providence, Rhode Island, working for Professor Darrell West on e-government research. Research, on the whole, was pretty monotonous. If it weren’t for my co-workers, I wouldn’t have made it through the summer. I also worked as a lifeguard at the pool. At one point I was working 12-hour days, conducting independent research, and getting tension headaches, but it only lasted a few weeks.

Sharing a living space with others can definitely incite drama, backstabbing, and pain, but if you learn to look past it and move on, it isn’t as bad in hindsight. I got to spend a lot of time with the girls, going to the beach, hailing taxis in a half-inebriated state to go to clubs, loathing work. Although I don’t know how much I’ll be seeing them when I come back in the spring, I hope they always leave a little space for me in their heart/home.

Highlights of my summer in Providence include: 1) riding down East Bay Bike Path and watching the sunset, 2) my frequent trips to Boston alone, 3) my trip to New York with Mai. We walked everywhere in Manhattan. Only took the subway once from Brooklyn. Times Square for tourist pictures, Grand Central to spend an afternoon in Cortlandt, Chinatown for dimsum, Little Italy for cappuccinos, Bleeker St. for massages and Magnolia cupcakes.

The last few weeks at home were pretty blissful. My parents got me a new car–the 2007 Honda Fit (my baby, which I have yet to name) and I got spend a lot of time with my mom (Dad was working from 2pm to 2am or 6am to 6pm, so I didn’t get to see him much). Who can forget my Bay Area friends? Some of the best people, ever. Failed San Francisco outings (only in the no-reservation, no-guestlist sense), successful San Francisco outings, and getting to know people I’ve never gotten to know before. I managed to squeeze in some good alone time in there as well. Never underestimate how good it feels to be by yourself. I cooked an unbelievable amount, which I found to be stress relieving. But the closer I came to my departure from the states, the less I wanted to leave what I had. But now it’s just more I have to look forward to.

This summer, I found myself constantly conflicted between reservation and impulse. I have the tendency to overanalyze situations. If I did this…this is what would happen; this is what people would think… I think about the effects and outcomes so much that I don’t end up doing anything spectacular, exciting, impulsive. I feel like I am wasting my life making these types of choices. I mean, come on! This is the prime of my youth, the time when I could get away with so much, and all I’m doing is weighing my options and watching the time fly by?

This is my life. I must make the most of it. Summer 2006 is over, but a whole new season awaits (or, at this point, has already started).