Cabbie: Men should have two women in their lives. One to be by their side, and one in their heart (he meant in his pants).
Me: Do you have two women in your life?
Cabbie: Yes, of course.
Me: What about women? Can they have two men in their lives?
Cabbie: I haven’t thought about it. 我对这没有研究.
Cabbie: How old are you?
Me: 23.
Cabbie: And you’re not married yet?
Me: I don’t even have a boyfriend.
Cabbie: You don’t even have a boyfriend?!? I think it’s time you put less focus on your work life and focus on finding a husband and settling down. You should let the man take care of everything, then you can stay home and relax. How great would that be?
Me: Actually….
Cabbie: [continues to ramble on about men being breadwinners, women being homemakers]
Cabbie: You know why women would be bad doctors? Because they’re too emotional. Let me give you an example. A woman has breast cancer, goes into a woman doctor. This woman doctor may think to herself, “I want to let this woman keep as much of her womanly features as she can, because I know it is important to her identity as a woman. Thus, I’ll try to remove as little breast tissue as I can.” Men? They’re pragmatic. They think, “Cancer is bad, I will remove any remnant of cancer, regardless of what it takes.” Then just slice off everything. See? Then you never know, cancer may just come right back if a women operated.
Actually, I should have titled it “Being Lectured by a Misogynist Nanjing Cabbie,” because I didn’t really converse with him. It was more him talking at me than with me.
A few days ago, I found out that one of my male Chinese friends has gone to another city in China become a “duck” (鸭子, 男妓). I was actually quite unfamiliar with the phenomenon and even laughed when someone told me he went to go 养鸭 (yang3 ya1, raise ducks, a euphemism for male prostitution), because at first I thought he became a duck farmer.
The name “duck” complements their female counterparts, who are called chickens, (妓女). According to The Observer, more and more Chinese women “buy a duck for a few hours of chatting, drinking and flirting.” While ordering a duck used to only be prevalent among middle-aged women, increasingly more younger women are also finding ducks to accompany them through a night of drinking, karaoke, or more.
I became curious as to the life of a duck in China and searched some blogs and forums.
I am a 19-year-old duck. My family is poor. I am a high school graduate, and it is imperative for me to find a woman to take care of me, I can do whatever she wants me to do!…I can visit your home every day to serve you. My information is as follows…
I want to find a woman to accompany me for life, doesn’t matter if you’re older or younger, just love me! I will be with her forever.
And some responses are as follows:
218.28.106.*:
I despise you
6202687:
Fuck!!! There’s no other way! I only have this skill! It’s so sad, it’s not easy being a duck! And I have to take medicine every day, and now I have to change my kidney. I have been a duck for 3 years already. It’s okay when I meet a beautiful girl, but an ugly one…#$@#%!! let’s not talk about it. I once met a 40-year-old woman, looks not too bad, but she wanted too much. One night I didn’t rest, did it 12 times, each time was 1 hour long. The second day I bent my waist, held the wall, and had to go two hours before being able to leave. You think this is easy?
磨力游:
Males and females are the same!
横扫の千菌:
I’m speechless, you cheap embryo, you make men lose face. Don’t think that because of your innocent little face you’re great. So you’re attractive, but can you spend money and use credit cards? Fuck, even selling yourself online now. Shameless!
218.28.78:
I support you!
Other websites have blog-like entries detailing their first experience or their experiences being a duck. Some are drawn in by the prospects of making a year’s worth of earnings in mere months, others feel like they want more freedom in their life. Though it sounds fun to hang out with women and drink and play all night, like any other profession in this field, there are drawbacks as well: sexually transmitted diseases, depression, being tricked/kept from leaving, being stigmatized in society, among many other concerns.
There’s also a video made about [gay] male prostitutes in China:
I texted my duck friend–who hasn’t told me his new direction in life yet–though I haven’t heard back from him. I hope to get some inside knowledge, but I’m not sure whether he’d consider it losing face to speak to me about it. In the meantime, his 叔叔 (literally uncle, but also means older friend, does anyone know if this also means “pimp” in duck vernacular?) called me the morning after I sent the text, and said that he went home for the night, saying “这里没活干了,” “There’s nothing left to do here tonight.”
The situation for young Chinese couples is pretty bleak. That is, if they want to have a sex life.
Many young Chinese couples, such as university students, if not living in 4-8 person dormitories at school, are living with their parents at home. If they have a boy or girlfriend, where are they to spend time together? Some opt for hotels that have hourly rates (often dubbed “love hotels,” a popular term in Japan and Korea), some alienate their roommates by fooling around in their dorm room, some wait until their parents aren’t home, and others opt for public spaces such as parks or behind buildings. It’s amusing (albeit also troublesome) that actions meant to be done in private are now done in public.
The dearth of privacy in China was aptly pictured last night on my bike ride home, when I saw a couple on one of the largest streets in Beijing, 建国门外大街, doing it behind some scaffolding. Nevermind all the cars driving by, but there were even construction workers working not even 100 meters away from the couple.
Everyone’s heard that men who sleep with a lot of women are dubbed “pimps,” whereas women who sleep with lots of men are labeled “whores” or “sluts.” Even while I was in a foreign country, women who loved “freely” still seemed to have the word “slut” stamped clearly on their foreheads by their peers, while men applauded each other for their sexual accomplishments.
But in an era of expanding feminine power and eroding social constructions, have women begun to embrace the promiscuous lifestyle men have always enjoyed? Are women capitalizing on the ambiguity of gender roles and fulfilling the same innate desires as men? Most importantly, will they be able to get away with it?
Women are traditionally known to become too emotionally attached, too needy, and always in search for that other half, for completion. More and more, I begin to notice the prominence of men who are begging for a companion, not only in bed, but also in spirit, in soul. Personally, I am tired of the insinuations of archaic stereotypes, though I do not know how to dismantle these deeply entrenched beliefs.
How should women approach their subtle new freedom without being targeted? Women of the world, embrace your fem-mascul-ininity. Women have every right to enjoy what men have always enjoyed. Perhaps one day women do not have to live with the stigma of being labeled negatively for actions men enjoy so freely.
I was made to function most effectively at 3am. I usually live out of two 50lb suitcases, but I welcome any opportunity to sleep on a well made bed. I plan into excruciating detail, but I will always have time to play. That is why I have started more projects than I have finished. I embrace my last name more than my first; it is, after all, what connects me to my roots. Speaking of roots, I will be posting from China in 2008-09. I will report on the highs and lows of my life as a Fulbrighter and my identity as a Chinese-American. To date, I have left too many footprints in the Internet realm. Thank God there are five million other Amy Changs. [more...]
